Heavy Heart

So this is my personal journey. 

Never in a million years did I ever think I'd hear the words "I'm a runner" escape from my mouth!

Ever!

 I have always been an avid walker...but running??

 My previous thoughts on running have been, " I will run only when being chased!!" Hahaha! I think many factors have caused me to change my mind.

Since moving here and getting back into exercise postpartum, I have hit a plateau if you will with walking. Don't get me wrong - I still love to walk and still DO walk! But it really wasn't challenging my body to progress anymore with walking alone. I started doing something called a "bust-buster treadmill workout" where you interval walk with a change of incline throughout. Finally. That was getting me somewhere and I started seeing results again.

 Around the New Year, like I mentioned in a previous post, myself and some other Marine Corps wives began going to the gym 5 days a week (or other forms of exercise be it at home or outside). One of the wives created an exercise support forum on Facebook that has been tremendous help! We can check in with each other on what we're doing, how we're feeling, offer up encouragement, post recipes, etc. Since my high school days (yes, I know it's been awhile!) I haven't been this committed to exercise. Why oh why did I not get in shape and stay in shape a decade ago? I know I can't undo the past and can only carve out what's in front of me but I kick myself right now for not putting my needs at the top a long time ago like I should have.  I'm so glad I have finally found the motivation and will within myself to be active consistently again. No one else can do that for me. John has been at my side for a long time encouraging me and while I do owe him lots of credit as well as other family and friends, I couldn't do it without WANTING to do it! And now, 10 weeks after starting the gym again, I'm finding myself wanting to do something active throughout the week. Whether it's yoga, pilates, zumba - I crave to do more than just hit the gym. In fact, four nights a week, my friend and I are now walking 2 miles after our husbands get home from work. We both have four kids, we are in need of a mommy break and it's great exercise!

{view of a nearby pond before sunset while on a walk}

The beginning was rough!! I can't even describe it other than getting up at 5am is not a natural time for me. Not yet anyways. Sometimes I get in there at 5am and sometimes I don't. My kids have been little turkeys lately waking up at night while either being sick or complain and cry of growing pains. Doesn't make for a good night sleep. I really just wanted to make some positive changes in my life and getting up early has helped out in more ways than I ever thought it would! I sleep better due to going to bed earlier, I'm able to focus on what I'm eating and making better choices as well as adding more fruits and veggies to my daily diet (it also helps that we don't have fast food readily available here which means we don't eat out a lot), I'm drinking more water, I'm less stressed which in turn makes me a better person, wife, mom, friend and helps me think more clearly and sleep better, I can get ready for the day before the kids get up - which often times gives me a chance to get a head start on some house work too or some personal reading time. It's the only chance for me to do something just for me. I just feel healthier all around. And I feel like I can carry myself more confidentially and have more energy to get more done. Or at least attempt to. Cleaning while kids are awake isn't always productive. ;) But I DO have the energy if the cleaning fails...to play with my kids.

I haven't reached my fitness goals yet but I'm already starting to see results. I'm walking and running about 20 miles every week. And I've lost 10 pounds since moving here to Germany. I can partially thank all the walking that we do here living so close to the city as well as my three flights of stairs. :) When we first moved here, I tried finding ways around going up and down those wicked stairs more than I had to. Now I don't think twice. Some days I'm up and down those stairs 10 times a day!

So back to the gym. The gym atmosphere makes me self-conscious. Not just this gym. ANY gym I've ever been a member of. But as painful as it may be, I still go. I remind myself that everyone there has the common goal to get in shape and be active and I try with all my might and strength to disregard the negative thoughts and hang-ups I have about myself. I have to instead focus on my ultimate reward: being a healthy woman. And a trip to Greece (maybe) is helping too I suppose! :)

After I started doing the butt-busting workouts and walking 5 days a week, John and some helpful websites (like "skinny ms") helped me get started with incorporating strength training into my weekly routine. This was all so new to me - still is in fact! But I have found that instead of doing the same old stuff over and over again, that I would change it up and give it some variety every so often. Like another Marine Corps spouse said, "keep your body guessing what it's going to do next." Being at the gym with all these wonderful ladies has inspired me to run as well. And a HUGE factor into this whole lifestyle change is my dear husband who started running 12 years ago when he joined the Marine Corps. He always inspires me to do better. To be better. And I figured that if I started up running, it would give us something to work towards together and another activity to spend time together. The Marine Corps wives started talking about signing up for a race. I jumped online one day and found one happening right here in Frankfurt on June 3rd. I had the choice of running a 5K or 10K. Boy was I already way over my head! With some coaxing (more like A LOT!) I signed up for the 10K. Then I immediately signed John up too. Figured I'd need someone to run with me to help me through my first race and encourage me (or scoop me up and run me) to the finish line!!

So, now I have this 10K race dangling in front of me. To start training to run, I had no idea where to even begin. But in order to sign up for the race, I needed to have a definite plan of how to meet this new goal of mine. Deep down I was starting to second guess this whole thing. What in the world have I done!?!? :) After finding a training guide to run called "Couch to 5K" I actually wasn't scared as much as I was at first. It breaks it down into 9 weeks - 3 days each week and slowly progressing from walking to running. Two weeks ago, I started on week 4, taking me up to running 16 minutes of the total 27 minutes. After getting halfway done and running the first 8 minutes, I really wanted to give up. I think being stubborn as well as not wanting to fail helped me pick up my legs and continue on. What else has helped is remembering that there are people out there that can't run for one reason or another, so in a way, I ran it for them! Using our body to it's full capacity is a gift!

A funny thing has happened through all of this...I'm finding that I'm really enjoying running. It has helped me especially in the stress department - clearing my head and making me feel better. I have found that I also have thoughts of my Grandfather; memories that just appear out of no where while I run. This is the other reason for the heavy heart. He was my favorite Grandfather and he passed away from Parkinson's in 2001. I used to call him Bumpass. Not sure why other than not knowing how to say Grandpa when I was really little. :) I can still remember his laugh. The smell of the mint gum he chewed. The aftershave he wore. Oh how I miss him and I wish he were still here but I know he's in a better place now and no longer has to suffer from his pain and discomfort. He used to be a track runner back in his school days. So that probably is why he appears in my thoughts so much while I'm running.

{my grandma + grandpa holding Aubrey on her blessing day in 1999}

{our family - minus Andrew who was asleep in the car - at my Grandpa's grave last summer before we moved}

Ten weeks now and still going strong! I am now running a 20 minute stretch!! Which is by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - right up there with delivering my children! Last Friday during my week 5 training, I ran my first 20 minutes without stopping. Oh my how that was tough! But I felt good that I finished. Listening to music and watching people walk by out the window in front of me was extremely helpful. I owe a lot of getting through it to those two things. But I also strongly feel that if it's important to you, you'll find a way! No matter how difficult it may be. Which at first, it's hard! I'm not going to lie! But after a few weeks of consistent exercise, it gets easier and you'll find yourself WANTING to get up and do something you love doing or know will help you be active and strong - both mind and body! To help you feel better about yourself, about your health and the precious life you get to live.

And a little monthly reward as you meet your fitness goals doesn't hurt either! :)

So get out there and MOVE! 

I did!

 And I haven't regretted one single workout yet!