I always forget what it feels like after having a baby. The feelings. The changes. The adjustments. But so much love for this new little one that I never imagined I'd have until the moment I met him. After having three children though, I knew that there was more than enough love to go around. Aside from the obvious excitement and happiness a new baby brings, there comes other emotions. Definitely a roller coaster of them due to the wonderful post baby hormones, a new found love for another sweet child I am so blessed to have and raise, sleep deprivation from around the clock waking to feed, maternity clothes that are finally too big but the pre-pregnacy clothes, well, let's just say I'm not going to try and see if they fit yet, the disconnect I feel from my other children as I rest and let their daddy take over a majority of the household tasks - to name just a few. I'm missing all of the time I used to have to play with them and seeing how hard this change has been on them has been hard on me as well (and seeing how much bigger they look and feel after only being away for a few days in the hospital!). All of these things have thrown me through a loop all the while getting to know this little boy of mine.
My "once was" routine with the kids and my daily schedule has been tossed around and thrown upside down like a tornado and I'm slowly trying to get back into the swing of things so I can eventually establish a new routine that fits for my four children. Right now, my days are mixed with sleeping when I can squeeze in a few more minutes, feeding and changing a newborn, crying at the drop of a hat, feeling lost in my motherly role and frustrated with the fact that there have been SO many changes in the past few months that nothing feels "normal" anymore. Andrew's gone from pacifier to no pacifier, sleeping in a crib in our room to a big boy bed in his own room, Jocelyn and Aubrey now sharing a room, driving a new van instead of the truck I drove everyday for the past 4 years, John deployed for six months and me having a routine with the kids while he was away to him being home a few weeks before baby's due date (a GOOD thing but still a huge change!) and basically switching roles with me while I have Landon so he can take care of the kids and then readjusting to us all being back together again. It's sometimes more than I can handle. It even seems too overwhelming for me to even start thinking of how my days are going to go once John returns back to work. Obviously one minute and one day at a time. I'm sure in a few months, I'll have things down like I did after the other children were born. Luckily, Landon is such a good and laid back little guy. He sleeps much of the time, is happy and content and curiously looking around when he's alert and hardly ever cries. The kids have been really enjoying having their baby brother here. It's very cute to see how much they love him already.
Aside from all of the challenges and stress I've been faced with, life after a baby is rewarding, fun and enjoyable. Nothing worth it is EVER easy so I expect to have bad days and hard times mixed in with the good days and fun times. I try to keep that in mind when the going gets tough! I really love being a mom and count myself blessed - and remembering that will help me get through this! I have the best husband ever that supports and stands by me and picks up the pieces when I am not able to put them together. I also have amazing friends and family to pull me through. Each day has been a little easier than the previous one and I know that I will get through this change in my life. It might be with baby steps...but I will get there!! In the meantime, I'm just going to snuggle and enjoy my little baby boy and three older children and hope that my new normal will come soon!
