Saying Goodbye...

For seven months - is not an easy task!!!

Especially with three children and one on the way. Being a military spouse, there is always the chance of taking care of the home-front on your own sometimes. But that doesn't ever make it easier or something that we are expected to do with a smile or something we are really ever all the way prepared for. There are always chances in life for a lot of things to occur. A lot of painful things! But it doesn't make it any easier! Proud of my husband who serves our Country and military? Supportive of what he does? Yes! Proud I have to stay home and do it alone for seven months? No! But it's one of those things that I don't have a choice in really. And I don't feel that I have any room to complain having friends gone through this even more than once. Still doesn't make it easier or less painful! I have three, almost four, reasons to get up each morning, make the most of my (and their) day and take care of a bazillion things and then at the end of the day, know that I did my best and that's all I can do. 

I still vividly remember the phone call a few months back. John telling me that he was going to be deployed soon. That he ASKED, of all things, to be deployed! That was a hard thing for me to swallow. I had recently found out that we were expecting another baby so this wasn't exactly music to my ears. I was worried that he wouldn't be home for the birth and more worried about him not being here like he always has been. This would not only be his first time deploying, but his first time being away while I've been pregnant. He told me that him deploying would actually help his chances to get promoted down the road. That, in fact, him getting passed up in a previous promotion board was due to him not ever being deployed. Kind of a hard thing to do when he's been attached to a nondeploying unit for quite some time. So it came down to him asking (begging?) to get sent out. I didn't like this, but I knew it would help his career and we could make it through somehow someway. I knew this was important to him - to our family - and fully supported his decision!

{Three months pregnant}

September 1st arrived faster than I would have liked. This day hung over us like a dark cloud in a storm. We knew it would be here sooner or later but boy were we sadder than sad when we woke up to realize this was the day! The flight was in the evening so we had most of the day to be together. I was so grateful for that!! We took Aubrey out of school and had lunch at Red Robin - one of our family favorite hangouts. 

And then we made the long dreaded drive up to Dulles Airport. We checked in his bags and sat around outside of the gate...spending every single spare minute we had together. The kids and I had previously written him letters so we used this time to shower him with our love. Lots of tears were shed and hugs exchanged. We really didn't want to say goodbye. It would finalize our reality of something that felt like a nightmare. Without one of us around, we don't feel complete! But I had to stay strong for my children. And boy is that harder than it sounds! First, I have to be strong! For myself...in order to be strong for them. The time finally came for him to get to his gate so we gave a huge group hug and watched as he made his way to the escalator. It was a blurry sight might I add. I had tears welled up in my eyes as I watched my best friend leave. My heart was so full. We both looked at each other until we could no longer see one another and then all four of us stood there and cried. Kids wanted to run after him! A few minutes later, we made our way back to the car. Which, with the usually construction on the highway, took us almost three hours to get home. Wow! What an overly emotional day! I'm sooooo going to miss him! We are going to miss him and very much look forward to his return!

I'm thankful I'm getting through this deployment time while being pregnant as at the end of the day, I'm exhausted and pass out - unable to sit around in silence after the kids go to bed. And I believe that's the only reason I'm thankful I'm pregnant without my hubby home sharing this time with me - as our baby grows inside my belly. Being tired and not able to let my mind wander...wondering if he's safe while in Iraq, etc. It's a good blessing I don't get a lot of alone time to reflect and worry! I just hope he gets home before the baby is born. If not, not the end of the world. But it would be a wonderful thing to have him back in time.

I often get comments like, "Wow! You're SO strong to do this alone! I don't know HOW you do it and stay strong!" Well. It's like this. For one, I know I'm not alone. I am surrounded by many loving and supportive people. Long distance family + friends, nearby friends and close neighbors. I also have the Lord in my life and I know without a doubt that he's there for me and my family - watching over us and protecting us. And last but not least, even though my husband is far far away...he is still 100% there for me! You don't know how strong you are until you HAVE to do something. Something very very hard and something you never expected you had to do until it needed to be done. As painful and hard as it is....if it doesn't kill you, it usually makes you stronger! Boy do I know this one well! I can't sit around and wallow in my sorrows or curl up and cry all day and throw a self pity party. (Not that I would anyways.) I have my children to focus on and take care of and oh how thankful I am for that! And some days, I can't think past the current day. Most of the time I am distracted with all that I have on my plate to get done in a days time. Growing a new life inside me and taking care of both of our needs are hugely important and being healthy for myself and my children is at my utmost priority! I have to create a healthy network of friends and family around me and keep out the negative ones. I'm, in a lot of ways, in survival-mode. Mostly to protect myself and my family so we can make these next seven months without my husband/ their father present. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination...and every day doesn't really get easier. We just know how to handle our pain a little better. 


My lesson in this isn't how to be independent. I've had that one down for a long time. I'm thankful I can be self-reliant and know how to do pretty much anything on my own. With that said though, I think my lesson is learning and allowing others to help me in my time of need. To give others a chance to serve someone that is having a hard time and needs help. Even if it's just a lunch date with a friend. Or a phone call from someone checking in on us. Or someone offering to watch the kids so I can get through the grocery store with more ease and less stress. I'm learning to accept these offers as I also know that the Lord works through other people in our lives to help answer our prayers. To decline a helpful hand can potentially deny not only them feeling helpful and useful but can make things difficult for me and my family too.

We were finally able to Skype with John today. The kids were beyond happy to see their Daddy on the computer screen! They tried with all their might to tickle him through the camera and give him far away kisses. Such funny kids they are. It was such a sweet moment to see him again as well as being  comforted in knowing he got there safely! Two days down...and many, many more to go. Too many, I'm not keeping track! That would just make me lose my mind! :)

So for now, I'm content in seeing these three sweet faces and smiles every day - and knowing that even though my heart aches to not have John by my side right now, it will be okay and we will make the best of it. Having been gone from them last month for a week, I know on a small scale what it's like to not see them every day and can only imagine how John must feel and how hard it may be. All the things he's going to miss (all 3 kids birthdays, 1st day of school for the girls, soccer games, holidays, etc). So we do all that we can to make him feel loved from afar. Lots of letters, pictures and care packages as well as Skype 20-30 minutes on just about every single day while he's away. I can't express how much that helps! My heart is full of pain and love and anxiety and just about every emotion out there...but I know it will carry us through until we are together again!

I love you, John!
The kids love you!
We all do....so much!
xoxoxoxo

Family Day

Today was a special day for us so we took the whole day off to spend together.

I can't tell you how nice it was!

Aubrey stayed home from school and we treated the kids to lunch at their favorite spot: Red Robin!

Andrew was curious with the lime that we had in our lemonades. Over and over, he would take a taste and do the shake afterwards until he refused any more tries. :P

And at the end...balloons all around.

Well, 3 anyways. :)

The Greene Turtle

Plain and simple, John and I have been meaning to go out on more dates - monthly and regularly. It hasn't been easy with our current schedule but we planned and executed two dates this month regardless and I can't tell you how nice it was to spend time together kid less for a few hours! No more slacking on dates. The kids matter but so do we!

Our first date, I didn't have the camera with us but we went to a movie and dinner - we watched Eat, Pray, Love (it was ok) and ate at a new restaurant called Bravo! Cucina Italiana. It felt like an upscale Olive Garden. The food was great but the background music was a bit too loud so we didn't get to talk much without feeling the need to yell across the table to be heard. :) It's a good thing we just enjoyed our date of being with each other instead of relying on the entertainment alone.

A few weeks later we had our second date (tonight) and we ate at another new local restaurant called The Greene Turtle. Being pregnant, I was really craving chinese or mexican food but after driving around, we settled on the sports grill. (And no, we didn't mean to both wear green AND eat at The Greene Turtle! :) We did get a good laugh at that though.)

We're so grateful for our wonderful friends (who we consider family!) who were so willing to take our kids off our hands so we could have this time together before our schedules got even more challenging. Thank you SOOO much!

5th Grade

Aubrey has finally reached her last year in elementary school. 5th grade! I still can't believe how fast they grow up! Is it really possible that my oldest is going to be in middle school next year? It still doesn't seem real! :)

The day before school started (here they start the last week in August) they held an open house for all the students and parents to meet their teacher, see their classroom and bring in their school supplies.

{Aubrey found her desk}

{Sister & Brother had fun seeing where she'd be during the day}

{And she got the teacher she wanted!}

Here she is on her first day of school:

Where Have We Been?

So much has happened within the Shields family this summer that blogging sort of fell off the way side! I don't recall ever going this long without posting something on here...so I felt that I needed to get back into it before I never returned! Which was starting to feel highly possible.

I'll go ahead and announce what has been keeping me away for much of the summer:
We're EXPECTING baby Shields #4 in March of 2011!!!! We just recently told the kids before we announced our news to family and they were all jumping around happy and Jocelyn bolts out "I want a baby sister!" I told her that we don't know yet if the baby is a boy or a girl but that whichever one Heavenly Father blesses us with, will be fine. She then added "We can return Andrew so I can have a baby sister then!" Wow! Out of the mouth of babes, huh? I kindly reminded her again that no one is going anywhere and that all of us, including her brother, is our family. (You'd think the past 20 months since Andrew was born would give her a clue!) They sure say the darnedest things sometimes. :) I found out early July that I was pregnant so that now puts me at about 11 weeks. And besides occasional nausea and tiredness, I'm thankfully feeling great. This Tuesday I go in for my first ultrasound to see how things are moving along and to help narrow down a due date. We couldn't feel more happy and blessed to add one more to complete our family!

As soon as we knew we were expecting our baby, John received news that he will be doing another job assignment up until close to the baby's due date. More traveling is expected for him which will create a bit of a stressful period for us at home but it will be good in the long run.

This summer has been extremely HOT! And with me pregnant, going outside in that hot sticky mess just hasn't been appealing so we've been keeping it a low-key summer with occasional trips here and there and fun activities at home. One of our planned trips came a few weekends ago and we spent a few days at Virginia Beach; our family's first time going to an east coast beach in the almost 4 years we've lived here. It was hot but so much fun!

I also just returned home Wednesday from an 8 day trip out to visit and surprise my sister Erin for her baby shower. Alone. I needed a true break before John's new job started and a lot of our joint jobs at home became my full time responsibility. I have the most amazing husband to allow me some much needed time to myself. I had been secretly planning this trip from my family in Oregon & Washington for the past 2 months and it was a relief to finally see them! I think my sister was completely shocked that I came all that way to see her without her knowing but it was a lot fun. My brother in law knew that I was coming out since I started the planning and so I could get a ride to their house the night before the shower but everyone joked that he must have forgotten from the time I told him my plans to a few months forward when he picked me up because he's not known for keeping surprises. I thought that was pretty funny! I lucked out this trip and got there at the perfect week to not only attend my sister's baby shower but to also attend my cousin's wedding reception. It was so nice seeing so much family while I was there! I of course missed my kids dearly! John too of course! It's crazy that while you're with your kids all the time, you need a break but once you have the opportunity for a break, you miss them terribly! The comforting thing to me and what gave me piece of mind while I was gone was that they were with their daddy and were enjoying a full week with just him - going to a DC Museum, the park, watching movies and eating cupcakes, etc.

So that's what we've been up to in a nutshell! I had a mishap with our camera recently but once it's functional again, I will post pictures.

Trip Back Home

*August 18, 2010*

Once I found out that my sister was pregnant with my second nephew, the idea to go surprise her for her shower instantly popped into my head! It was just a thought really. I wasn't quite sure I could pull it off or not! I had three wild and crazy kids at home. It would, without question, require some definite planning. So I tucked the idea away for a few months. 

Later on, some major events were happening in our own family. Like finding out I was pregnant also and John would be soon deploying. I had to act fast if I wanted my idea to surprise her become a reality. I called up my brother-in-law and ran through my idea with him. He thought it would be awesome to be there for her shower and spend some time with her and the family before John deployed. He said we'd talk when it got closer to me flying out and he would pick me up from the airport no problem. I also wrote to her sweet friend that was going to throw her her baby shower. I asked her to fill me in with the details of when it would be as soon as she knew so I could book my ticket. Also for good measure, I told my Dad I was coming out there. So only 3 people back home knew what was in the works. The rest I wanted to surprise! 

{Me and my snuggle bugs before leaving for the airport}

I was beyond excited! And nervous. John was taking a week off of work to be at home with the kids but it was still hard being away from my babies for that long. And even when we pulled up to the airport, I was debating whether to take Andrew with me or not. John firmly convinced me to go alone since I hardly ever get a break - to have fun and not to worry about the children. That they would be fine and would see me in a week. Boy oh boy was that a hard one for me to swallow! I felt torn between two good things: wanting to go alone and wanting to be with my babies! I remember tears forming in my eyes as John hugged me on the curb and the kids waved and cried from inside our truck. The only way he got me to stay strong and not completely breakdown was to tell me a funny joke and make me smile. I just love him! So hard to see them drive off and leave me for my flight. After I checked in though and the minutes went more and more by....I felt fine. Funny how you can't wait to get a break from them and the daily chaos but once you get the break, you miss them more than anything and want them back. (Only to want a break again!) :) As a mom, a break is much needed and deserved no matter how much the kids are missed. I have definitely learned that one!

I remember calling up my brother-in-law the day or two before my flight to check in and make sure he'd be there to get me and he said, "oh...I completely forgot! I am so glad you called to remind me!" Hahaha apparently, come to find out, he's not that great at keeping surprises. So maybe it was BEST that he forgot all about it! I was just a big ball of nerves on the drive to their house. She was with my Dad at the time putting up wainscoting in the baby's nursery and my brother-in-law said he had to go help someone (I can't remember details anymore) so she, as far as we knew, had no idea that something was up. In fact, seeing her reaction, I'm pretty certain she had no idea I was on my way out to see her! 

So we drove up and with the nursery being in the front of the house, I had to hurry up the drive pretty fast and sneaky. I ditched my bags in the car until later. I walked down the hallway towards the room and they were still busy at work nailing up the wainscoting. I cracked open the door and said, "Hey Erin! Do you need any help?" And she turned around and then back to her work and then did a double take....she looked at me with this big stunned look on her face! It was fun that this surprise carried out till the end! I was soooo happy to see her and be there for a week! :)

Here's what the week looked like:

Me and my cute lunch buddy! After I got to my sisters, I felt sad that I hadn't brought Andrew along. He would have had a blast playing with his cousin. But....we made it work! ;) No visit back to the NW goes without a trip to many favorites. One of which is BURGERVILLE! Super delicious! (Notice I didn't say "super healthy!") Mmmm! 

And yes, I got made fun of for taking a picture of my food. But man was it GOOD!!! Totally worth the picture! Those shakes are to die for! :)

And I took my sister out for pedicures. She looked so cute pregnant! We had so much fun finally hanging out like sisters often get to do! I really miss seeing her so I'm happy we got this time together sans kids. I am seriously swallowing my pride posting this picture of myself on her behalf! I know I was about 10 weeks pregnant here but...I'm going to be nice to myself and leave it at that! ;) We had fun though! It was such a treat as it had been at least a year since I last had one.

So onto her baby shower. Her friends put on this absolutely cute baby shower  and the dessert table was so fun with ice cream bowls with toppings galore! 

And these sweet sugar cookie party favors with the little man's first initial.

Cute set up with baby's name!

{Me and my sis!}

{Me, my Grandmother and my Mom}

My Mom didn't know I was going to be there so when she saw me, she jumped and clasped her mouth and shook her head and then said, "SHUT UP!!" hahaha Yeah, guess I caught her off guard. It was a good surprise.

And here are a few of my cute 1st nephew - the soon-to-be big brother! He is SO busy and definitely kept me going nonstop the entire time I was there! He's adorable! It was so much fun being with him during my stay. I miss being an active Aunt in his life! By that I mean, close by. Thankfully we do all that we can to stay close across all the ridiculous miles. It made me realize how much I look forward to the day our family gets permanent roots so we can have our families close by again! Really love and miss them all!

A trip to Fred Meyer is always a fun trip. Especially when you get close to anything TILLAMOOK!! :)

I saved telling family that we were expecting another baby until this trip. I was still a few months away from getting my ultrasound but I was happy to finally let the cat out of the bag. That was one heck of a long time keeping that just between John and I. We surprised the kids before I flew out. We always make sure they're one of the very firsts to know! I also wanted to make sure I got through my first trimester with things going well before sharing our news. 

My cousin got married so we attended their wedding reception! 

Took a trip on Max (public train) to downtown one day with my step mom after we grabbed some lunch at Baja Fresh and did a little shopping. We wandered around one of our favorite bookstores - Powell's Bookstore - looking for a few books to get John from his ever growing wish list! And I had heard about a cupcake shop called Cupcake Jones. So we stopped there too and got ourselves a treat. I do have to say it wasn't the best I've ever had. It was a bit dry. But still a fun treat and a cute window display!

I thought it was cool that on this day when we took the train, the kids and John were taking a train as well - but to the Washington D.C. Zoo! Andrew loves trains so I knew it would be a fun time.

Visited with my Step Dad and went out to dinner one night.

Here you can see the start of my baby bump! :)

Also went to his house one night with my sister and her family and had dinner there with him.

Went to another favorite place of mine: the Portland Oregon Temple. My mom and I had a nice time together before she had to head into work and took a nice walk around the grounds.

She then dropped me off at my old office so I could have lunch with one of my dear friends and old co-workers from the clinic. We always have fun catching up!

We were able to squeeze in another favorite before I had to head back home. Lunch at Red Robin! Well, we actually live right around the corner from one back in Virginia but that's besides the point! Can't go wrong with a good burger or some fun family time! :)

{My nephew, Dad, me and my Step Mom}

And then after 2 long flights later...I was reunited with my sweethearts! Boy were we all glad to see each other again! Missed them way too much! :)

This week in Oregon/Washington went by entirely way too fast as it seems they always do when you're having fun! And I didn't get to see as many people and places as I had tried to squeeze in such a short amount of time but I am forever thankful that I got this opportunity to fly back and see my loved ones and visit with as many people as I had time for. It really recharged my spirit before having to pull the single mom thing for 6 months here shortly! So grateful for the memories made that will last a lifetime and beyond! And so grateful this trip was even possible with John being scheduled to deploy just a few weeks later after my return. I sure love my man! He's simply amazing to have given me this sweet gift to go spend a week with family when I know he too wanted to be there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some other things I was able to do on this trip that I didn't get a picture of:

* a few neighborhood walks

* went to church

* watched Mulan and ate a late night helping of toast and scrambled eggs with my Dad

* bbq with my sister and brother-in-law's friends

* bbq at my Dad & Step Mom's (later stayed up watching movies and eating licorice and ice cream)

*went to breakfast with my Mom

* ate by myself at the airport. Something I'm not used to really doing but kind of cool (after the feeling weird part)! haha