Landon Turns ONE!

My cute little Landon turned ONE years old today! And the poor little guy is currently sick with a cold. Poor thing! Thankfully it didn't seem to slow him down any so we went through with our day of fun as planned! :) I did end up simplifying and changing things up a bit though. So cupcakes and a trip to the park was easier and just as fun as my original plans for his party. Especially since we didn't have any friends over.

I can't believe my newest baby is already one! How it's even possible, I don't even know. Other than the obvious...it just seems like the past year has flown right by. He's growing up MUCH too fast - much like his brother and sisters - and it's always a hard and sweet thing to see them grow up. Love the cute little feet and hands and chubby cheeks but also love when they learn and discover something new, interact more and more and such a delight to watch him play and toddle around the house and playground!

We sure lucked out and are so blessed having such great children! Landon has been a calm and laid back baby since day one. Very sweet and easy going with a happy go lucky kind of attitude. (And the big time tantrums he throws as of late. Tantrums we let him throw while we pretty much ignore!) :) He melts my heart and always has a way to brighten my day with his cute 5 toothed smile! He seems so much more advanced than his siblings in terms of development but I have a hunch it's not only because he has "big brains=smart" as Jocelyn loves to say but also because of his determination to do what his brother and sisters do! He's never too far behind them! He is taking a few steps now and we are all so excited (and scared) at the same time! :) 

In the morning, Andrew and I started on some cupcakes. He LOVES to help me in the kitchen and really wanted to make something special for his little brother. (In his t-shirt and underwear, nonetheless!) Oh well :)

He did an awesome job! I love my little helper!

While the cupcakes cooled, we took him to play at the playground. It's still pretty chilly out so it was short & sweet. At least 30 minutes of playtime fun!

So sweet! I love this photo of them all!

We sang him "Happy Birthday" and lit his candle to make a wish...

and then it was time to DIG IN AND DESTROY (I mean, EAT)!!!

It's pretty safe to say he loved his cupcake. It didn't take him long at all to make a crumbly mess! Mmmm!!!!

With Landon (and then John) not feeling well, we waited on present opening for the following day after we got back home from church. (It's not like he knows any different (yes, I used that to my advantage) so I didn't feel too bad having him wait an extra day - I think he liked more birthday festivities anyways!) We kept things simple and sweet. Just like our now ONE year old!

Love you sweetie!

Happy Birthday!

 xoxo

Heavy Heart

So this is my personal journey. 

Never in a million years did I ever think I'd hear the words "I'm a runner" escape from my mouth!

Ever!

 I have always been an avid walker...but running??

 My previous thoughts on running have been, " I will run only when being chased!!" Hahaha! I think many factors have caused me to change my mind.

Since moving here and getting back into exercise postpartum, I have hit a plateau if you will with walking. Don't get me wrong - I still love to walk and still DO walk! But it really wasn't challenging my body to progress anymore with walking alone. I started doing something called a "bust-buster treadmill workout" where you interval walk with a change of incline throughout. Finally. That was getting me somewhere and I started seeing results again.

 Around the New Year, like I mentioned in a previous post, myself and some other Marine Corps wives began going to the gym 5 days a week (or other forms of exercise be it at home or outside). One of the wives created an exercise support forum on Facebook that has been tremendous help! We can check in with each other on what we're doing, how we're feeling, offer up encouragement, post recipes, etc. Since my high school days (yes, I know it's been awhile!) I haven't been this committed to exercise. Why oh why did I not get in shape and stay in shape a decade ago? I know I can't undo the past and can only carve out what's in front of me but I kick myself right now for not putting my needs at the top a long time ago like I should have.  I'm so glad I have finally found the motivation and will within myself to be active consistently again. No one else can do that for me. John has been at my side for a long time encouraging me and while I do owe him lots of credit as well as other family and friends, I couldn't do it without WANTING to do it! And now, 10 weeks after starting the gym again, I'm finding myself wanting to do something active throughout the week. Whether it's yoga, pilates, zumba - I crave to do more than just hit the gym. In fact, four nights a week, my friend and I are now walking 2 miles after our husbands get home from work. We both have four kids, we are in need of a mommy break and it's great exercise!

{view of a nearby pond before sunset while on a walk}

The beginning was rough!! I can't even describe it other than getting up at 5am is not a natural time for me. Not yet anyways. Sometimes I get in there at 5am and sometimes I don't. My kids have been little turkeys lately waking up at night while either being sick or complain and cry of growing pains. Doesn't make for a good night sleep. I really just wanted to make some positive changes in my life and getting up early has helped out in more ways than I ever thought it would! I sleep better due to going to bed earlier, I'm able to focus on what I'm eating and making better choices as well as adding more fruits and veggies to my daily diet (it also helps that we don't have fast food readily available here which means we don't eat out a lot), I'm drinking more water, I'm less stressed which in turn makes me a better person, wife, mom, friend and helps me think more clearly and sleep better, I can get ready for the day before the kids get up - which often times gives me a chance to get a head start on some house work too or some personal reading time. It's the only chance for me to do something just for me. I just feel healthier all around. And I feel like I can carry myself more confidentially and have more energy to get more done. Or at least attempt to. Cleaning while kids are awake isn't always productive. ;) But I DO have the energy if the cleaning fails...to play with my kids.

I haven't reached my fitness goals yet but I'm already starting to see results. I'm walking and running about 20 miles every week. And I've lost 10 pounds since moving here to Germany. I can partially thank all the walking that we do here living so close to the city as well as my three flights of stairs. :) When we first moved here, I tried finding ways around going up and down those wicked stairs more than I had to. Now I don't think twice. Some days I'm up and down those stairs 10 times a day!

So back to the gym. The gym atmosphere makes me self-conscious. Not just this gym. ANY gym I've ever been a member of. But as painful as it may be, I still go. I remind myself that everyone there has the common goal to get in shape and be active and I try with all my might and strength to disregard the negative thoughts and hang-ups I have about myself. I have to instead focus on my ultimate reward: being a healthy woman. And a trip to Greece (maybe) is helping too I suppose! :)

After I started doing the butt-busting workouts and walking 5 days a week, John and some helpful websites (like "skinny ms") helped me get started with incorporating strength training into my weekly routine. This was all so new to me - still is in fact! But I have found that instead of doing the same old stuff over and over again, that I would change it up and give it some variety every so often. Like another Marine Corps spouse said, "keep your body guessing what it's going to do next." Being at the gym with all these wonderful ladies has inspired me to run as well. And a HUGE factor into this whole lifestyle change is my dear husband who started running 12 years ago when he joined the Marine Corps. He always inspires me to do better. To be better. And I figured that if I started up running, it would give us something to work towards together and another activity to spend time together. The Marine Corps wives started talking about signing up for a race. I jumped online one day and found one happening right here in Frankfurt on June 3rd. I had the choice of running a 5K or 10K. Boy was I already way over my head! With some coaxing (more like A LOT!) I signed up for the 10K. Then I immediately signed John up too. Figured I'd need someone to run with me to help me through my first race and encourage me (or scoop me up and run me) to the finish line!!

So, now I have this 10K race dangling in front of me. To start training to run, I had no idea where to even begin. But in order to sign up for the race, I needed to have a definite plan of how to meet this new goal of mine. Deep down I was starting to second guess this whole thing. What in the world have I done!?!? :) After finding a training guide to run called "Couch to 5K" I actually wasn't scared as much as I was at first. It breaks it down into 9 weeks - 3 days each week and slowly progressing from walking to running. Two weeks ago, I started on week 4, taking me up to running 16 minutes of the total 27 minutes. After getting halfway done and running the first 8 minutes, I really wanted to give up. I think being stubborn as well as not wanting to fail helped me pick up my legs and continue on. What else has helped is remembering that there are people out there that can't run for one reason or another, so in a way, I ran it for them! Using our body to it's full capacity is a gift!

A funny thing has happened through all of this...I'm finding that I'm really enjoying running. It has helped me especially in the stress department - clearing my head and making me feel better. I have found that I also have thoughts of my Grandfather; memories that just appear out of no where while I run. This is the other reason for the heavy heart. He was my favorite Grandfather and he passed away from Parkinson's in 2001. I used to call him Bumpass. Not sure why other than not knowing how to say Grandpa when I was really little. :) I can still remember his laugh. The smell of the mint gum he chewed. The aftershave he wore. Oh how I miss him and I wish he were still here but I know he's in a better place now and no longer has to suffer from his pain and discomfort. He used to be a track runner back in his school days. So that probably is why he appears in my thoughts so much while I'm running.

{my grandma + grandpa holding Aubrey on her blessing day in 1999}

{our family - minus Andrew who was asleep in the car - at my Grandpa's grave last summer before we moved}

Ten weeks now and still going strong! I am now running a 20 minute stretch!! Which is by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - right up there with delivering my children! Last Friday during my week 5 training, I ran my first 20 minutes without stopping. Oh my how that was tough! But I felt good that I finished. Listening to music and watching people walk by out the window in front of me was extremely helpful. I owe a lot of getting through it to those two things. But I also strongly feel that if it's important to you, you'll find a way! No matter how difficult it may be. Which at first, it's hard! I'm not going to lie! But after a few weeks of consistent exercise, it gets easier and you'll find yourself WANTING to get up and do something you love doing or know will help you be active and strong - both mind and body! To help you feel better about yourself, about your health and the precious life you get to live.

And a little monthly reward as you meet your fitness goals doesn't hurt either! :)

So get out there and MOVE! 

I did!

 And I haven't regretted one single workout yet!

My Boy Giving Me A Scare

Friday, February 24th started out as any normal day around our house did.

Kids built forts, danced to music or threw tantrums. 

(Not necessarily in that order!)

But entertainment was definitely promised somehow, someway!

 

But after I got done with some pretty intense duties around the house, one of which was getting the inventory of our household furniture and their condition documented and driven up to John's work and then three unhappy attention-starved children later...well, let's just say they were just kids being kids. Eating lunch seemed to help retrieve their once smiles and happy selves. Landon was napping and Jocelyn and Andrew went upstairs to play. Normal everyday happenings!

I was taking a quick break when Jocelyn came bouncing down the stairs at full speed screaming, "mama mama mama...HELP!!!!! Andrew NEEEEDS you!!!!!!" I then heard the loudest and most scary cry I have ever heard from Andrew. My heart raced as I flew up the stairs! My imagination ran wild. I was afraid to see what happened and not sure what to expect. Once I spotted him sitting outside of his bedroom door on the play mat, I saw a massive amount of blood flowing out of his mouth! Oh, my poor little boy! I asked Jocelyn what happened. She was covering her face and crying while hiding around the corner. In between sobs, she said that he jumped off the bookshelf with the tv on it and fell on the floor. I couldn't breathe and a million things were racing through my head. "Did he bite his tongue?" was my first thought. With so much blood, I had NO idea where it was coming from inside his mouth. I didn't know what to do either as panic started to set in. "Do I call 110 (emergency)?" He was conscious and to be honest, I wasn't sure what they'd be able to do so I ran and got a washcloth wet and placed it on his mouth while dialing John at work. Cell phone - nothing! Work phone - nothing! "Figures I can't reach him...it's an emergency!" I was so unprepared for this. I had no alternative number to call and reach him at work either. I remember sort of running around the room in circles going, "oh my gosh! oh my gosh! What do I do?????" All the while crying. I clearly wasn't helping to calm Andrew down by doing this. His crying escalated and I had to quickly collect myself! In my head, I thought, "GET IT TOGETHER WOMAN!!!!" 

Next option was to call my friend Christi down the street. Also a mother of four, and a mother of four BOYS at that! I knew she'd 1.) be able to help me if available and 2.) was most likely used to boys getting hurt! When I reached her on the phone, I was everything but calm! Not reaching John just about pushed me over the edge. But through tears, I tried to sum up what happened and she raced down the street to our house in what seemed like 30 seconds! It was fast, that's all I know! Meanwhile, she reached her husband at work and told him to go and locate John - that there was an emergency at home and he needed to call me! (I have since retrieved some emergency contacts at his work, heaven forbid should anything ever happen again and I can't reach him!)

I cleaned up some blood off Andrew's hands and face and continued to work on getting the bleeding to stop. I sat down with him snuggled on my lap at the table and fed him some Sherbet to help keep his mouth cold as he down right refused to eat a Popsicle. Meanwhile, Christi was fast on the phone with the base dental clinic. They said the clinic was closed (3:30pm!) and to go to the nearest emergency room.

Of course this had to happen on a Friday afternoon when everything was closed for the weekend!

Of course it did!

We knew that the hospital would most likely not be able to do much for a little boy hurting his mouth - except give us narcotics and send us home. The lady on the phone was so unwilling to help us. Christi told her, "So you're telling me that there is NO on-call dentist to help a little boy who hurt his mouth really bad? And that this kind of situation, especially with boys, has never happened in your entire time there on base that needed immediate attention? I find that hard to believe!" Quite frustrated at this point was an understatement! 

Christi stayed with me until I regained my composure and Andrew's mouth stopped bleeding. I was so relieved that she was there to help me when no one else was able to. So thankful for awesome friends! We were able to find the location of where all of this blood was coming from too. His top gums had been shoved up above his teeth pretty far. Some of his gum tissue had been rubbed off during the fall also and his frenulum looked to be torn. 

It was a short time before 7am on the west coast but my sister is a dental hygentist and I needed to reach her and tell her what happened. To see if she had any advice. Maybe also to just talk to my sister! This was such a heart wrenching situation! She asked some questions and then asked that I take a picture of his mouth and send it to her right away - to see if the dentist she worked for, as well as a few others she knew, could help in any way! It was pretty gruesome down right looked horrible! I found myself not able to look at this picture too long. I sent it right away! Erin and I talked about how amazing technology is these days. Who would have thought that you could one day email a photo of someone's mouth 7,000 miles away and get three separate Dentist's taking a look at it and giving their advice. All within a few hours! Pretty neat and crazy all at the same time. 

{I still get anxiety and feel nauseous looking at this picture! Poor little guy!}

Meanwhile, John hurried home from work and got on the computer and became quite the little investigator!! I was so glad he was home. I found comfort in him being there! He found a way to reach the MP's (military police) on base and they got in contact with the on-call dentist who then called us. After answering all the questions he needed answers to, he asked that we head to the clinic right away and would meet us there to examine Andrew's mouth. To also get some Tylenol or Motrin in his system to help minimize any swelling and pain. I took up Christi's offer and made arrangements for Jocelyn to stay at their house and play while we went and took care of Andrew. We also dropped Aubrey off at her school dance on the way.

I was an emotional wreck driving him to the dentist. We only got a few blocks away from the house when John offered to drive so we did a quick switch and got there about 30 minutes later. Not being behind the wheel, I was safe to think but I found myself not wanting to think! I know I didn't have any reason to feel this way as it clearly was an accident but I felt horribly guilty that I hadn't known what they were up to upstairs and couldn't have prevented it. I felt saddened for him getting hurt while under my watchful care. I wanted more than anything to take away his hurt and pain! To make him better again! While tears ran down my face, John didn't know how to comfort me which made me cry even more. Besides Andrew's two surgeries when he was a baby, nothing major has happened. Something tells me with him being my first boy, this is the first of many rough bumps in the road to come. Ugh!

We got to the clinic just as his assistant arrived. John offered to take Andrew in and let me stay in the van with Landon. I felt a little more guilty accepting this offer to stay back - I wanted to be there for my little boy more than anything - but honestly, I had had enough. I felt physically sick. It was safe to say that that day felt like a horribly no good day!

I had called my parents and Erin to update on how things were going. Erin mentioned that one of the dentist's said he needed stitches and emailed me the areas in his mouth that they needed to be placed. But when John returned with Andrew 45 minutes later, he said other than a thorough exam, nothing was necessary. While yes, his frenulum had been torn, it's not something that necessarily needs to be connected. That sometimes, it'll heal and connect on it's own again but if not, nothing harmful can come of it. Also, the two teeth that had been traumatized through the fall were a tiny bit wiggly but was ordered to only feed him soft foods for a while and that they should toughen back up. It was hard to say what was going to come of it. It was basically a waiting game at this point. We were told to call or bring him back in if his pain gets worse of if more bleeding occurs. I was hesitant with the care he received. I knew John was fully capable of taking care of our kids - so that's not what I was questioning. It was Andrew getting the opposite care that this dentist back in the States told us should happen. I didn't know what advice was best but since these dentists here practice the same general dentistry as they do back home, I figured I could trust what they were doing and know that Andrew was in good hands. Once I got back on the phone with my sister, she said that since we had last spoken, she got a hold of the pediatric dentist and he advised against the stitches. That an adult mouth would need them but not a young child. Their mouths tend to heal up very fast. After hearing this, I was so much more relieved! And Andrew became fast friends with the doctor on-call and refers to him as "his buddy!" Even drew him a picture and sent it to him with a thank you card!

Andrew having dinner after getting back from the dentist: Peaches & cream oatmeal.

Being hurt has it's advantages: All the sherbet, popscicles and ice cream you want! :)

For the most part, the next day, Andrew was back to his normal self and played like nothing had ever happened. Typical kid!

"What Mom? I'm fine!"

But me still a bit shaken and scared by what had happened, I felt protective and worried he'd try to do too much too fast. So I admit, for the first week or so, we took things A LOT easy! The first few days took a toll on his body and he slept here and there. We watched movies, built forts, went grocery shopping, colored in coloring books, played cars and trains...

And then he slipped and fell again on his mouth while turning in circles on the kitchen floor!! His socks must have helped him slip. He screamed, I checked his mouth and yup! It was bleeding again! Not as much but still!! I reacted more calm - probably helped with having some experience already. So out came more sherbet from the freezer and I quickly prepared him a bowl.

Then, another day, he bumped his mouth on a toy bin and he cried again. Thankfully, no bleeding this time.

This is when I joked (or was I?) that I wanted to mount a "cone of shame" around his head. Or lock him up in a padded room! This getting hurt business was becoming too much for this mama’s heart!

Friday night came and it was John and I's date night. I honestly didn't want to go anymore. I was afraid something would happen and I wouldn't be there to take care of him. Or prevent something from happening! But I was going crazy and desperately needed a break! But I knew I couldn't just sit around living in fear all the time and deserved this chance to get away. We were out for a few hours and once we came home, we learned from the sitter that he did indeed get hurt! Not majorly hurt, but enough to cause more damage to his mouth! I guess he was walking around with a toy in his mouth and our friend's daughter pulled hard on it trying to get it and in turn, loosened the teeth! It now appeared they would not firm back up as we hoped they would. And one slight touch to the two fragile teeth confirmed my fear: they were wiggling and barely hanging on! :(

Monday, I brought him into the clinic. Over the weekend, I didn't have a good gut feeling about it! I always try to listen to my motherly instinct and be in tune to what I should do. In 2 weeks time, this was the 4th trip to see the dentist and I was starting to feel like we were just short of living there!  They did an x-ray and found an abscess growing above the two damaged teeth. They needed to prep a room and extract them right away before infection spread even more. More guilt washed over me and I started to tear up. This was a different dentist and assistant and let's just say, they lacked good bedside manners and made a hard situation almost unbearable! (They later apologized to John after I left for how harsh they treated me!) 

John was on base getting groceries so he flew over when I called him to relay the news. I also had Jocelyn and Landon and needed his help. They were not very understanding why I brought my other children with me and that if I brought them again in the future, they'd deny us care or make us reschedule. Being new to a different country, you don't normally send your children off with complete strangers. Most of my friends here work or weren't available and really...wherever I go, my kids come with me. They are very obedient and I've never had a problem before. Granted, if it's MY appointment, I do find a sitter or John watches them for me.

He finished his pudding while they got his room ready...

Got some cuddles while waiting...

Had his teeth pulled in a matter of minutes, got a prescription for his mouth and then we traveled back home.

But as you can see, he was back to all smiles and feeling 10 times better! I was SO happy to see this cute smile on his face! It melted my heart and made me as a mother feel so much better!

He's so cute! We told him about putting his teeth under his pillow so the tooth fairy could come in the night and leave him some money for them. He did NOT like this idea. I then realized he IS a bit young for this sort of thing to usually happen. Normally, he wouldn't have lost his first tooth for a good couple of years from now so we decided he could keep his teeth AND some money! :)

And here are his two teeth he was so proud to carry around for the first few days:

And as much as I'd like to roll bubble wrap around his 3 year old body or have him wear a helmet, I will just let him be! Hahaha. As tempting as it is, I just can't protect him all the time as much as I'd like to. That wouldn't be fair, practical or right. But I WILL always keep a prayer close to my heart that he will be safe and well.

A few days later, we returned to the clinic to see how things were healing. A tiny bone fragment was left in his gums after extracting his two teeth. They said they could either surgically remove it, or let it fall out on its own. We chose the later of the two. Why make him go through all of that pain if not necessary?

Last week, I took all the kids in for their teeth cleanings. And as the dentist and I both thought, the tiny bone had fallen out and his gums firmed up and are healthy and doing fine. They'll be keeping a close watch on his mouth until the time comes he should be getting the permanent tooth in - around 7 or 8 years old. The dentist does feel that the nerves were damaged when hit on impact so it may grow in disfigured (not maturely developed) or could be discolored. Or something they didn't say: all could be well! We won't know until the permanent tooth decides to grow in and fill the holes. I'm confident that no matter what, things will be alright. 

 So far now, he has been given the nickname: Hockey player. And will be a good one for Halloween for, oh, the next 4 or 5 years! :)

P.S. A few weeks after Andrew's fall, Jocelyn was telling me how bad she felt for pushing Andrew off the shelf. I chose not to jump to any conclusions until finding out more about what she was talking about.

Mom: What do you mean, pushing Andrew off the shelf?

Jocelyn: Well, he was standing up there and I told him to get down but he wouldn't. So I went up there to try and get him down but he still wouldn't listen to me so I pushed him off.

Mom: Oh! Well, next time, come find Mom and I'll help him get down, okay? We don't push people because he could get hurt, like he did. So please make sure you don't push next time.

Jocelyn: Okay, Mom. I'm sorry!

So, it's true. She pushed him. But thankfully, she did it with the intention to help and NOT to hurt! And I'm glad I was able to remain calm and find out the story before full blown accusing her for hurting him when that was not her intent. I know it would have been easy to do!

This parenting business is HARD work! But SO worth it, too!

And as each day goes by, I love them more and more!

(How that is even possible, I do not know!) :)